The Disturbingly Silly Snake Show!
by SamandMax
Summary: Snake has his own kids show which of course, involves beer, guns, and tijuana


The Wild, Wacky, Zany, Crazy, Disturbingnly Silly Snake Show!  
  
Snake walks through a door wearing a green sweater. He walks down some stairs and sits on a small bench. He takes of his shoes and puts it a different pair.  
  
"It's a beautiful day in the military camp, a beautifil day in the camp. Will you be mine, won't you be mine, please be my friend or I'll kill you. Hi Kids, it's Mister Snake, the friendly old ex-soldier with a haunting past. Today we're going to be talking about the horrors of war, and so I brought my old friend Cunky Chicken, which is really just a fat guy wearing a costume."  
  
A man wearing a bird suit walks in the room and begins to flap around the room.  
  
"Hey kids, I'm Chunky Chicken and I'm here to tell you about the horrors of war. Now kids, can you think of words that rhyme with War, I can. Gore, Sore, Tore, Poor. Now a lot of kids think war is good, but I'll tell you right now their satan. War is bad kids, just like that other popular show Ocelot's Treehouse. I'll tell you right now kids, that treehouse is fake and Ocelot is also satan. Now, kids, war began thousands of years ago where wives were stolen and sold at market. Now, if you end up in war, I'll tell you the secret of making a top notch explosive. Get an empty bottle and a rag. Soak the rag in alc-."  
  
"Hey Bill, this is a kids show."  
  
"Oh right. Okay kids, you can just use your milk bottles instead of an adult magic juice bottle."  
  
"Bill, get the hell out of here."  
  
"Snake, give me another chance. I need the money. They want my thumbs!"  
  
Three security guards quickly come and take Chunky Chicken away. The sound of a gun is heard in the background.  
  
"Okay kids, it's now time to sing the happy song. I love Snake, he thinks I'm alright, if I change the channel he'll kill me during the night. With a glance and a handshake he'll then walk away, if you want an autograph you will have to pay."  
  
The door is suddenly kicked in and two police officers rush in with their guns drawn.   
  
"Snake, you're under arrest for the murder of Bill Parimo."  
  
"I didn't do anything. You can't prove anything. Let me bargain, oh god please let me bargain."  
  
"Ok, where'd you put the body."  
  
"Umm...it's over there by those three large security guards."  
  
The two officers walk off and then their's suddenly numerous gunshots in the background. There's a loud clunking noise and then the sound of something getting dragged away.  
  
"Now kids, since Snake is a wanted man, we're going to take a small trip to Tijuana where I'll meet up with my good friends Jack Daniels and Scotchy McScotchRum."  
  
Snake quickly grabs a large briefcase off the ground and runs off the set. The camera cuts out and then turns on again with Snake driving the car.  
  
"Welcome back kids, as you may know, I'm about to cross the border into freedom. Soon I'll meet with my good friend the police who may suddenly fall asleep in a pile of dark red ketchup."  
  
Snake pulls the car up to a large window where a security guards sit behind reading a magazine.  
  
"So, where you heading?"  
  
"Tijuana for french fries and gravy."  
  
"I see. Who's that guy with the camera."  
  
"...Umm...Bob....Bobbery."  
  
"Bob Bobbery?"  
  
"Yes. He is also coming for fries."  
  
"Alright...hey is that a shotgun under that jacket?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Can you please lift the jacket."  
  
The camera quickly goes out but the sound of a shotgun blast is heard. The camera suddenly comes back with the car screeching away. Blood covers the lens of the camera.  
  
"Alright kids, I seem to have gotten...ketchup on the camera. But everything will be alright. We won't be seeing Bob Bobbery much anymore, he's gone back...home. But don't worry kids, Snake ain't go to jail. He's going to start a nice gas station and change his name to Joe Snick."  
  
The camera turns off. When it comes back on, Snake is sitting in a bar.  
  
"Hey kids...I'm back in someplace in tijuana....after a few long conferences with my friend Jack Daniels, I have decided to head down to Mexico City where my good friend Majcocod says he know's an uncle that owns a tortialla shop where I can get a job eating grease."  
  
There's a loud gunshot and then a bottle of whisky falls in front of the camera. Snake's voice is heard yelling and then another bottle breaks. The camera is suddenly picked up and rushed out of the bar. It's thrown into the car and then theirs the sound of screeching tires.  
  
"Well kids, Snake's in deep trouble. It seems a whiskey bottle was broken over over Majcocod's head and I was the last one seeing holding the bottle. Now Snake's wanted by the friendly policemen and a drunken motorcycle gang."  
  
There's sounds of men shouting and then motorcycles drive beside the car.  
  
"Oh S...shazbots. Looks like Snake's met up with some old friends. I'll let a commercial while I have a friendly chat with them."  
  
The camera turns off and then when it comes back on, There's a closeup of Snake's head lying in blood.  
  
"Hey kids, Snake can't talk much right now because he has a collapsed lung and a few broken ribs. So, I guess that's the end of today's episode. Next time, I'll be live in a Tijuana Prison so stay safe kids...ugh."  
  
The camera suddenly turned off and then the credits rolled. Snake's show was never brodcasted again after he disappeared and was never seen again in the USA. 


End file.
